Hot in heeerrrre

It's Halloween and it's hot as monkey balls here. Being a big, hairy, dumpy guy is not cool (no pun intended) when a majority of the ozone layer has depelted in the country you live in. The sun is so F*ing hot here. Even though its only about 80-85, it feels like a 100. The other day I saw a guy melt, it was awkward. He was all like " help me" and I was all like "dude, I don't know what to do." I hope I can take the heat a lot better by the time summer gets here.

Also, the heat is breaking out some crazy creatures in the city. The arts campus where I spend most of my time is crawling with gigantic roaches and spiders. I saw a flying roach the other day at least 4" long. I had to get out of its way. And the bats here are crazy too. They are huge and you can hear their wings flapping when they fly around.

Last Friday I hung out with the lead singer of The Used. He was cool guy.**backstory** The girl who used to live in my room before I moved in is best friends with Jade, my roomate. Her and Jade both worked in the music industry. They are always attending shows and press conferences. At one of these press conferences, her and the lead singer of the used met and fell madly in love with eachother. A month later, she moves back to LA with him and they are now engaged. **end backstory** So they are back here touring and she stopped by with him to hang at the house. We all went to dinner and then came back to my place to drink afterwards. About 50 people were there and I didn't know 75% of them. A lot of friends of friends who just came to hang out with a rockstar. All in all it was a crazy night, we drank til about 7-7:30 and a good time was had by all. There was some drama but nothing out of the ordinary.

**sidenote** RSJ: I plugged [velvet] a few times, don't think anything came out of it. Sorry, I tried **end sidenote**

I am pissed I missed the Donkies annual Halloween party. There were some solid costumes this year.



This morninng at 7:30 am I caught an Underpants Gnome in my room. It's trapped under a pint glass. It's half Kangaroo and half Gnome. When I rattled it, it ate the evidence ( my unerpants ).

( I know most people will think that the more unbelievable part of this story will be the time I woke up today.... FU because it's finals week )

More as it breaks.....


Kangaroos are just giant rats.

Holy shit. Where has all the time gone. It's already the middle of October ! I guess time flies when you’re always wasted.

So it’s the end of week 11 at school. 3 weeks until the end of the semester and then 3 months for summer break. Reverse seasons rule. Between school work and boozing I really don’t have time to do anything else. I am applying for permission to work so I can get a job during the break. Probably something silly like fruit picking or brick moving. The pay here is ridiculous, even waiters and cashiers get like $15 AUD per hour.

Here is all that’s happened since the last post.

Finally went and hung out with Kangaroos, Koalas, Taz Devils, and Dingo’s that eat babies. It was crazy we walked into this large area of the park where the Roos are just hopping along and you can feed them stuff. They come up to you and eat right out of your hands. I tried to violate one of the Roos, but the park staff quickly made me stop that by tasering my testicles.

Also, the Dingo’s do eat babies. I saw one eat a baby and the baby looked at me.

Here are the pics

Went to the Aquarium as well. Saw lots of things that are silly like Duckbill Platypus. Lots of Sharks. It’s like a giant JAWS-type tunnel that goes through the Shark tank and you can see them swimming around you and pooping everywhere. I took some videos and will be posting those up soon. All in all the aquarium was pretty gay, the one in “Balmer” is probably better minus the sharks. But the good thing about the aquarium is that its real close to the Fish Market. SO after looking at all those delicious fish in their tanks, we went and ordered a shit load of them and ate our faces off. Unfortunately they don’t have Crab Bombs in Sydney.


I had Spring Break during the week of my birthday ( Sept 29 ). Very convenient. So while being drunk the entire week, Lunchbox (Bilal) and I decided we needed to suck it up and take a road trip. It is Spring Break after all. So we rented a Toyota Avalon and set forth for Melbourne. I finally got to drive on the Left side of the road and to make it weirder, the steering wheel was on the right side of the car. It took a little adjusting and one incident where I side swiped a truck. But other than that… it was fine.

We left Sydney around 4 pm on Friday and arrived in Melbourne at 9:30 am Monday morning. The reason why it took so long is because I thought we should take the scenic route along the SE coast of Australia. I didn’t realize the that the scenic route would take double the time and we would be in backwood roads and towns with no gas station for hundreds of miles. Around 2 in the morning we started running out of gas and we couldn’t find a fucking gas station… oh sorry…. I mean petrol station. So we asked this hick in the town of Eden what we should do. He said that we should drive back to the previous town and use their 24 hour gas pump that has a credit card enabled pump. He said that with such pride and amazement. “ Mate, you stick you plastic card in it and it give you gas” Silly hicks.

So between Lunchbox and me we drove 16 hours straight through the night. Nadine and her roommate Ros were also on the trip, but they are Canadians and girls so we didn’t let them drive. At one point Lunchbox had to pull a swerve move to avoid hitting a Ewok looking Wombat that jumped out in fromt of the car. Good times.

Melbourne itself was a ok city. We were so tired the first day we didn’t do much. Got a hotel, had some food, took a nap and then started boozing. We also met up with my roommate Jade and her boyfriend Brett. ( Side Note: Brett and Jade were on day 6 of their roadtrip. They had been driving around the southern coast in Bretts van. Sleeping in it and living out of it. So I gladly offered them my shower) We went to a real shady bar for a few beers and then we all crashed. The Next day Jade and Brett headed out for the next town on their trip and we hung out down by the Yarra river in southern Melbourne. Ate good food and watched a drunk German guy get beat up by the gaurds in front of the Casino. Went home after a nice dinner and got shitfaced drunk, then came home on Monday. The trip back took us 10 hours because we avoided the scenic route and took the major highway. I also never once during this trip let anyone look at a map or make any prior reservations or booking for anything. Nothing was researched or looked up and the entire trip we “Winged” it. Rule !


Next topic, I got a tattoo done in Sydney. It was a birthday present to myself.

Here it is.

That’s right you guessed it right. The Stoncutters. My ultimate homage to the Simpsons and the genius that is Matt Groening. If you haven’t seen the episode, watch it! Here’s some info on it