Guest Post : Brown Guy Manifesto --- a letter.

This post is written by K-Dizzle, founder and CEO of Dumpolex and 1/2 of the Brown Guy Express. Enjoy. - S.G

Brown guy manifesto—a letter

Dear non-brown guys,

Hello. I’m one half (or 20% of the total mass) of the 3 time bingo hall tag team champions of the world, the Brown Guy Express. From 1987-1994 we were rated by Zagats “Guide to Super Wrestling” to be the highest ranking brown guy tag team that wrestled in bingo halls in the DC metro area. Sadly our reign of gallivanting and tomfoolery came to an abrupt halt after losing a “hell in a cell/loser leaves their turban match” to 4 time bingo hall champions “The Curry Connection.” Although we have gone our separate ways, there are a few myths about brown guys we would like to “debunk”:

Myth: All Brown guys are the same—they are all small, furry, and from India.
Debunked: Not true! There are many kinds of brown guys, For example, there are big brown guys who do deadlifts and tear their pecs, and little brown guys who hang hams and set stuff on fire. Brown guys are from Nepal, Sri Lanka, Bangledesh, South America, the Internet, and many other wonderous places that you don’t care about.

Myth: Brown guys are brown b/c their dirty
Debunked: Not True! Brown guys are brown b/c of pigmentation. The color of skin is mainly due to the amount of brown melanin pigment mixed with blue (from reduced haemoglobin), red (from oxyhaemoglobin) and yellow (from carotenoids in the diet). Please do not try to rub or throw soap at us b/c we will get angry and set you on fire w/ the magic hidden in as many places as Vishnu has arms.

Myth: Brown guy names are hard to pronounce
Debunked: Not true! Although there is the occasionally lethal “silent h,” most Brown Guy names can be pronounced relatively easily using phonetics.
Seriously, with all of the Liebowitz’s and Chzekulpowsklys’ out there getting their names pronounced correctly,the name “Singh” should be a breeze.

Myth: Everything we eat is made of curry and we smell like curry and curry.
Debunked: Not true! When we are eating Doritos, they are not special brown guy Doritos w/ special curry flavor, nor are dollar menu double cheeseburgers given a special curry seasoning…come to think about it though, sometimes I do need a special something from McDonalds that has a blend of Italian tomato curry sauce tempered with thyme

Myth: Our parents speak w/ funny accents.
Debunked: ...well, this is true.
We hope this has cleared up any confusion.

Thank you,

The Brown-Guy Express


Donkey Mcdonkerton said...


I remember those sticks of curry that I always thought were chocolate bars!!! haha

The Redonkulous Linker said...

Brown, brand new brother in town. You rollin doo doo, you rollin.

The Redonkulous Linker said...

That Chicken McCurry Pan looks redonkulous, Im starving now.

subcontinental.giant said...

When I was in London, the McD's there had a McCurry dipping sauce. It was pretty good. Wouldn't say it was the best thing I've had. It would definitely require an acquired taste to down that stuff like the locals were doing.

Also, I love that the British have made curry the official food of England. This is due to a combo of the large Indian population there and the fact that they have no good "British" food.

Anonymous said...

This is some funny shit! We need a KapilBlog now!!! Why doesn't Kapil post shit like this on Signaltonoise.tv?

subcontinental.giant said...

Mr. Signaltonoise.tv,

Kapil is obligated to post on subcontinentalgiant's blog because:

a) Him and I together formed the Brown Guy Express (3 time bingo hall tag team champions of the world)

b) Him and I are "real" brown

c) Contractual agreements that we have made

d) You never asked.

dumpoplex said...

plus, only 1% of the time do my thoughts come out coherently, the other 99% is all monkey poo.

subcontinental.giant said...